I had just found out this girl I like is dating someone... I had always thought that she was dating someone, but... I dunno... Just... Finding out... Just makes me feel hollow. For a while now, I've actually had the courage to talk to her, and have been doing so.
I felt...
Confident....
I had...
Hope...
Hope that, perhaps, one day, I could... Date her...
But... Now it's crushed. I dunno. I'm an idiot. I'm overreacting to something that I should have expected... Something that... I... Should have known. That I should have guessed... God damn it... I'm an idiot. I overreact too much to shit like this. Sometimes I think I'm a Gemini, because I feel that I'm arguing with someone else when I get like this. Like, I get depressed, but then my mind questions it like:
" ' the fuck are you getting depressed over? You seriously should have seen this one coming. It's completely irrational and irresponsible! Stop it! Right now!" but then I'm like:
"I know, I know... It's just..."
"Just what? It isn't anything. It never was anything, it never is anything, and probably will never be anything. Just. Stop it."
"But I'm... Broken... Hollow..."
"Oh look at you, you dramatic twit. 'Oh, I'm depressed because this girl doesn't like me, or this girl is already seeing someone'. Boo-fucking-hoo. Now get your shit together, you have work to do."
"But I want to play some video games... They help calm me down..."
"You know what? Fuck it. Fine. Be like this. Be like this little crybaby bastard child that you are. I'm going to go into the dark recesses of your mind, and start tossing those embarrassing memories at you, that you hate so much. Would you like that? Would you fucking like that? I'll stop once you get your shit together, and man the fuck up"
And then I begin to sink into an even deeper depression, until something else perks me up only to smash it back down...
I hate me.
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